"Church as a Safe Place"

It is very significant that in Deuteronomy Chapter 4, right in the middle of law giving, covenant warnings, reminders about idolatry, and preparation for the Ten Commandments, Moses pauses to talk about cities of refuge.

That placement matters. It reveals something important about the heart of God.

Before God emphasizes obedience, He reveals His concern for vulnerable people who will inevitably fail, make mistakes, and need protection.

In Deuteronomy 4, God instructs Israel to establish cities of refuge for people who accidentally killed someone. At that time, society did not have a developed legal system where someone was considered innocent until proven guilty.  Instead, the victimized family often had an “avenger of blood” whose responsibility it was to seek revenge. This made the accused person extremely vulnerable.

Therefore, God made provision.

The cities of refuge were to be accessible, distributed throughout the land, and according to some, were clearly marked with signs so people could flee there quickly.

I believe this is an important window into the heart of God.

God’s heart is to make room for human weakness and provide protection for vulnerable people.  This theme runs throughout Scripture. In Psalm 46, God Himself is described as “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  In Jesus, we see refuge embodied in human form.  In Acts, we see communities gathering from house to house where people shared life together in a welcoming environment. 

Refuge is not an afterthought to the law. It is a revelation of the heart behind the law.

Sadly, for many people, church has not felt like a refuge.

Instead of safety, many have experienced performance culture, accusation, shame, loneliness, relational retaliation, or indifference.  Some people leave church not because they are rejecting God, but because they no longer feel emotionally or spiritually safe.

I cringe when I think of the performance culture, insensitivity and legalism that I led with in many church settings. I understand and accept that for many, my presence would not allow for safety and refuge. 

I believe every church should remain humble about the possibility that these dynamics can be present in any church.

Sometimes people may seek refuge in a house church because the shadow of an institution feels overwhelming to them. At other times, someone may feel unsafe in a small intimate gathering and instead find refuge in a gentle traditional church. We should not become territorial about this.  God wants refuge to be accessible. The cities of refuge had signs pointing toward them and were distributed throughout every tribe.

We should make it easy for people to find refuge.  We should also be aware that seeking refuge does not mean that a person is unwilling to forgive or work through conflicts with other Christians or is avoiding spiritual growth.

Refuge is not permissiveness.

Refuge is not avoiding truth or accountability. Biblical refuge is restorative truth spoken in love.  Sin still must be addressed, but within a culture of gentleness, safety, covenant, and restoration.

Remember, God created cities of refuge because he knew that some communities would be incapable of providing the environment where restoration and healing could occur.  Safety is important because deep, sustainable transformation does not occur through pressure, fear, or shame. Deep change usually occurs when we feel seen, heard, understood, and loved even in the middle of our weakness and failures.

People grow where they feel safe enough to be honest and where they are with people who are sincerely glad to be with them.

Without safe communities, “hesed” love—God’s covenant love and loyalty—does not deeply develop.  These safe communities should not be confused with the sometimes over reactionary “safe spaces” we hear about on college campuses.  We are talking about the universal need for refuge, safety and hesed community which is God’s plan.  Church should be one of the safest places on earth, not because sin is ignored, but because mercy, gentleness, and restoration are present.

We need shepherds who model the heart of God in this area. We need gentle protectors in our churches.

This is one reason I believe house churches can be important. Many people do not currently have a church within their faith tradition where they feel safe enough to heal and grow relationally.  However, some people can experience refuge in a smaller embodied community where they are deeply known.  I have seen this happen in others and I have experienced this myself in a house church.

Refuge is not mainly a structure.  It is a people.

It is a community where wounded and confused people can flee and live.  It is a place where overwhelmed people can rebuild their lives. And let’s face it, we are all wounded, confused and overwhelmed to differing degrees.  Communities like this can interrupt cycles of shame, accusation, hiding, and isolation that keep people from healing.

I have come to believe that transformation only occurs when people feel safely seen, heard, understood, and know that others are genuinely glad to be with them despite their weaknesses and failures.

Church should be a place where people can flee and find life to the full.